After a long day at Rhode Island Mini- Maker Faire yesterday, I woke up very early today with sore muscles and that odd feeling of being so tired that I couldn’t even sleep. I had essentially transformed into a zombie myself.

I did some research into the tell-tale signs of zombification, and I found that one of the first signs is a tendency to make up nonsense words like “zombification”. So I can check that one off the list.

A second sign seems to be slow, dragging movement, accompanied by a moaning sound. Those symptoms started to show last light as I hauled my monstrous, zombie-themed machine back to my FJ Cruiser for the return trip home from Providence. This is an obvious, classic symptom (duh). Check.

Another symptom is a recurring thought of Jeff Foxworthy voicing a narrative of this article where he repeatedly says “You might be a zombie if….”

At least I’m not a redneck zombie- because that would be embarrassing. But yes, check- according to my running list of nonsensical symptoms, I am indeed showing strong signs of being zombificationalized.

And finally, since I’ve clearly lost my mind, I guess I am in a way searching for brains, and I hear they taste like chicken.

So, “checkmate”- since my list of symptoms has somehow turned into chess metaphors and cliches.

Now that I’ve made such a convincing case that I am, indeed, a zombie, I’m considering my options for parlaying this into something more.

But first I think that I’ll sit around all day and watch football.